Chocolate Cavity Bomb Cake

 

           Hello fellow Slick Cooks!

           My first submission is not the way a typical recipe on a cooking blog is usually presented… at all.  However, it is by request, so I share it all with you here today as I originally made it long before the blog.

           This is the surprise Birthday Cake I made for my wife.  Later I baked and served it to our Church group at which I was promptly assaulted and beaten into submission by 30 plus women (and a few men who shall remain nameless) to give up the recipe.  It has definitely been through more than a few large scale taste tests after that.

           Interestingly, at the same time I had a “process essay” that was due in class so I simply combined the two.  The essay is a bit of fiction (I had actually surprised my wife on her Birthday - not my Mother-in-Law who lives in Japan… you’ll see what I mean when you read it) but it was done in a way to generate appeal and fun with the reader.

           Additionally, I apologize that the pictures are not top quality.  They were taken long before I had even conceived of doing a blog so please forgive the little things like a cabinet in the background and such.  :)  They are not part of the original essay but thought it would be prudent to include them here.

           So, what follows is the literal essay, verbatim on how to bake this cake.  I hope you enjoy both the cake and the writing… and yes, I received an ‘A.’

                                                                                      

                                                                                     

How to make the Ultimate “Chocolate Cavity Bomb”

(A Tongue in Cheek for Men Who Have Only Touched Wrenches Their Entire Lives…)

           You have in-laws.  You have married their daughter – stolen her from the caring security that only a mother and father can bring their “beloved princess.”  It is time to prove to them what an awesome husband you are and your mother in-law’s birthday is a perfect opportunity.  How does a new husband accomplish such a monumental task without resorting to cliché candies and roses?  Nothing says “I care” like making something by hand, and if it is a cake, you are a god among men in mom’s eyes.  Behold, I reveal the path to sainthood and share with you how to make the Ultimate “Chocolate Cavity Bomb.”

           Men, this process is called baking.  If you still feel at odds with your masculine security, feel free to use the term “chemical process” because that is what baking is - chemistry.  In chemistry or any other manufacturing or assembly process, there are universal steps that must be followed.  The first is to get the instructions (the sacred text you hold now).  Second is preparation.  Third is assembly.  Fourth are the quality assurance checks.  Finally, the product is packaged and shipped.

           Preparation is the same in all assembly or manufacturing processes.  You must ensure you have the proper tools, supplies, and skilled labor.  In this case, the skilled labor is you, so you will just have to do your best.  The tools you will  need are a standard set of measuring cups, a whisk, a spatula, a large bowl, a Bundt pan, 2 or 3 long wooden skewer toothpicks, a wire cooling rack, and an oven.  Do not get lazy and use a flat sheet instead of the Bundt pan.  Presentation is everything and a flat pan says, “I was lazy and just used what I could find in the cupboard.”  Go to the store and spend the fifteen bucks.  Lay everything out on the kitchen counter within easy reach.

           Next are the supplies.  In a recipe, supplies are “ingredients.”  You may be surprised, but the chocolate cavity bomb does not require very much – sometimes simple trumps complex.  Get a package of dark chocolate cake mix.  You need a minimum of 18.25 ounces.  However, a personal favorite of mine is the 21 ounce box of “Triple Chocolate Decadent (with real chocolate chunks and fudge)” made by “Duncan Hines.”  Next on the list are 3.9 ounces of instant chocolate pudding mix, 16 ounces of sour cream, 3 eggs, 1/3 cup of vegetable oil, 1 and 1/2  cups of water, 2 cups of semisweet chocolate chips, a stick of butter, a small amount of “all purpose flour,” glaze or powdered sugar, and finally my personal favorite – 2/3 cup of coffee liqueur.  An obvious choice would be Kahlua.  The last ingredient is key – it will set your cake apart from “average” to squeals of delight as all the ladies in your wife’s family insist on the recipe.  Give it to them… and leave out the Kahlua.

           So you have your tools and supplies – time to get to work.  Take a look at the back of the chocolate cake mix box.  See all those instructions?  Ignore them.  Do not let them confuse you – the instructions I am giving you takes everything on that box into account.  With that worry safely taken care of, put the box down and pick up the Bundt pan.  You need to do something called “greasing.”  It is the same thing as lubricating a drill bit or band saw – you are going to oil it up with a thin layer of butter and then lightly sprinkle some flour on the butter.  When you bake a cake, you do not want it to stick to your pan when you try to take it out.  The presentation would be ruined.  Also, use real butter.  You saw the ingredients to this cake – I hardly think getting “margarine” is going to make this beast of calories any healthier for you.

           With that out of the way, turn on the oven for the next steps.  Dial it in to 350 degrees or to 175 degrees Celsius.  This will get your oven “pre-heated” and ready to bake that cake once you have the next steps complete.  While the oven is heating up, get that large bowl and dump the cake mix (both bags if you are using my recommended product), the pudding mix, all 16 ounces of sour cream, the eggs (crack the eggs first, buddy), the oil, water, and the booze.  Now mix it.  Do not use one of those electric mixers – use the whisk.  Be thorough.  When you have a nice consistency, “fold” the chocolate chips into the mix.  Folding is where your spatula comes into play.  Instead of mixing the chips in, you dump some chips in and literally lift some of the mix up and “fold” it over the chips.  Repeat that until all the chips are nicely dispersed.  The resulting mix in its liquid state is called “batter.”  This batter will be thick.  Spoon all of it into your greased and floured Bundt pan.

           Now, put that bad boy into the oven.  Keep it there for an hour and fifteen minutes.  Pull it out and put a long wooden skewer tooth pick into the meat of the cake.  Remove the skewer and check it just like you were checking your oil level.  If the skewer comes out of the cake really dark with some batter residue, it is not done.  Put it back in for another fifteen minutes.  Repeat this until the cake is baked completely.  You have to be careful – it is easy to burn the cake here.  The cake needs to spring back at you if you lightly tap it.  If you tap it and it gives you a concrete thud, go back to the store and start over.  Placing a tin foil tent over the cake if you have to put the cake back in repeatedly can help.

           Once the cake is finished baking, remove the pan from the oven.  Do not do anything with it yet and just let it cool for about ten minutes.  After that, remove the cake and let it cool on the cooling rack.  This is a moment where some guys will look at the cake and wonder how they are going to remove it without damaging it.  Put the wire rack directly onto the Bundt pan, lift and flip.  If you properly greased the Bundt pan, it should simply drop out of the pan onto the rack.  Surprise!  The cake was baking upside down the whole time!  Let it cool completely on the wire rack.

 

 

 

 

 

           The last thing to do now is to prepare it for presentation.  You have options here.  You can use the store bought glaze I mentioned in the supplies earlier and pour it on top, or you can make your own glaze (which is what I do).  You can use the powdered sugar I also mentioned as an alternative and sprinkle it on the cake (sparingly).  There are countless possibilities that are only limited by your own imagination.  My wife actually favors whip cream, but for a mother in-law, it is not decadent enough.

           It is birthday party time and trust me, even though your cake will not be a memory she can look at on the shelf like photographs can give her, the fact that you went out of your way to do this will make you the star of the party and forever endear you to her.  You cannot lose, and your father in law – no matter what he says from now on will be hushed and fettered away by good ‘ole “mom.”  You will not have left-overs, guaranteed.

 

(We celebrate her 21st birthday every year...)

 

 

Someone couldn't wait!  ;)